This is What Happens...

... when you are too busy to have the time to look downstairs and see what is happening at the feet level!

For a couple of days I had a weird feeling in my feet... I felt that my boot does not feel like it always did... but never had the chance to check my boots to see what is causing this...

Until yesterday I found out that I, the deputy coordinator of my department, have been wandering around office with torn boots! LoL

Yesterday when I took them off I immediately wrapped them and put them in the small garbage can in our bedroom. They were sort of large for it that it got almost full, but if I did not do that I would forget completely and wear them to office today!

Oh, and today is Labour Day, and I am working! :-)))))))))))))))) <== a wiiiide-not-yellow-smile!

You Never Pass on the Same Rever Twice...

And never does a moment in life pass more than once... So make it worth it...

Consider the following two situations:

A woman was diagnosed with breast cancer. A very aggressive type in which the cancer is not a specific tumor, but rather small clusters. So the cancer itself could not be removed. She had to have her two breasts removed completely. After they were removed, her husband puts his hands on the place of her removed breasts, and tells her with tearful eyes: "I swear to Allah, with them or without them, you are the most beautiful woman on earth, and I loved you and will always love you".

On a different case: a woman who was married at a very young age was married to a man. Years pass and they do not have kids. The woman goes through intensive treatment attempting to get pregnant with no use. She gets sick and goes to hospital, where she was diagnosed with a cancer in her throat. After she performs a surgery to remove the cancer, she receives a word from her husband asking her to not go home after the surgery, but rather go to her parents' house and recover there. While at her parents' house, she receives a divorce notice. And the husband has started looking for another wife the moment he sent her that message!

Life goes by... and some chances are given to us only once... if we screw up, it is unlikely that we will be able to go back and correct our mistakes...

Know your target and shoot right. You might not have a second chance to shoot if you missed it!

Milk White... Chocolate Brown... Coffee Dark...

So sister Zara wrote a post about skin color. I said I would write about it here. So here I go...

I am some one with a very light skin tone. Circassians are, in general, white in skin and dark in hair and eyes. So although one can run into Circassians with a darker skin tone (like my sister's husband, for example), most of us, Circassians, are white. I am not just white, I am pale white.

Now being a Circassian living in the Land of Arabia, my skin color is the skin color of minority, the majority are of a darker skin tone. When positions are reversed, things are viewed in a different perspective. Here, I am the odd skin color, and if I was not VERY convinced with the color that Allah subhanahu wa taala has given me, I would have listened to the tens of women who have told me whenever they saw me without hijab: "Ooooh my God! You are sooo pale! You are so much in need of a tan!"

Dark being the color of the majority, here having a skin with a dark tone would mean that you are an original Arab. A daughter or son of a large tribe. It would mean that you are beautiful and have a sense of humor (Dont ask me what is the connection! This is what people say...) Having a tanned skin would also mean that you are a free person, not some one locked inside rooms and under roofs. It means that you can afford to go to private pools and take off your hijab and lay under the sun, or maybe even having your own pool! Being white would mean that you are either a foreigner or have a foreign blood in your veins... that you are hidden behind walls... that you are not a cool person, that you do not go out in sun... and that you are dull (again, I have no idea what is the connection!)

So not in every context would a white skin be a source of pride...

Adding to that, white skin is not a good indication of health!

- People with white skin are usually with vitamin D deficiency

- People with white skin are more prone to sun burns (I get burnt in the shade some times if it is so hot!) and sun allergies

- People with white skin are much... much more prone to skin cancer, specially if they are with moles

- White skin can be a serious indication for the lack of iron in the blood

And in spite of the fact that tanned is the color of superiority here, consider the following: white men are NEVER considered beautiful here. NEVER. Not even good. Or nice. But when it comes to marriage, those aunties who look for their sons for arranged marriages would some times specify that they want a white girl to be the future bride of the lucky son. Yes, these same aunties that would praise the beauty and originality of their tanned daughters would look for their sons for white brides! What feeling does that leave us with? The same feeling that one would get when reading Amin Maalouf's "Leon the African". White women MIGHT be seen as beautiful some times, but they are inferior. Harem. Slaves. Just like the white jaariyah (woman slave) would be free to practice whatever sort of temptation she likes because she is cheap, however, the tanned -Arab- wife would not do because it would underestimate her position as a daughter of a known tribe! Oh, yes... read the book and you will know what I am talking about... and this attitude, which exists with some people until today, makes me feel that, even in the twenty first century, and in spite of being from a nation that accepted Islam for hundreds of years now, and sacrificed and shed alot of blood for choosing to be, we are still Harem. Mamluks. Mawali. May be white, may be beautiful (in the eyes of some), but never as good. This is, of course, not a feeling we live with all the time, but yes, with some people this feeling just ATTACKS. Because of what they say and do.

Now this does not mean that I hate the fact that I am white. I love being white. But not because white is better. Or more beautiful. No. It is simply because that's what I am. Allah subhanahu wa taala has created me this way and I am happy with it. With all the complications that this leaves me with, Allah has chosen this for me, so I am satisfied. Besides, white skin is part of the features of my ethnicity. Those features that make me feel nostalgic. The features that remind me with the simple childhood I lived. My grandmother... my aunts... the old oven... my grandma's home made bread... the chicken house... the huge lemon tree that we used to look for worms and mushrooms in its shade... the smell of my grandma's clean head scarf when we hugged her... the smell of the mattresses in her living room (yes, my grandma's living room had mattresses, not couches :-) )... That's what I feel when I think of "white" being the skin color of my people...

But that does not mean that I look down at other colors! Because if so, I would be looking down at people of my own family! My dad is tanned... my sister's husband is tanned... my little niece is tanned (my sister -her mother- calls her tiny fingers Twix bars :-) )... These members of my family are just as good to me as I and my husband, and my extremely-white son are!

I do thank God that my family consists of all colors... we have lighter skin and darker skin... we have light blond hair, dark blond hair, and black hair... we have grey eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes, and dark brown eyes... and we are all beautiful! All of these colors are just so dear to me... I love them all... and the beauty of our family is that it is colorful! Al hamdulellah...

So to sisters with a darker skin tone:

You might think that you are not beautiful because you are not white... THIS IS WRONG!

You might think that other sisters with a dark skin are less beautiful than those with white skin... THIS IS WRONG!

Whatever your skin color is, it is beautiful because it is your color... Because Allah subhanahu wa taala has chosen it for you... it is Allah's gift!

A husband who will choose you for your skin color is not some one who is worth bleaching your skin for! Trust me!

Look at Hollywood and Bollywood stars celebrating their color... is Halle Berry a better Muslim than you are? Is Kareena Kappur a better Muslim than you are?

Look at Oprah Winfrey who has spent her TV career while proud with her dark skin...

Do all of these people understand Allah's wisdom better than you do?

Or you want to end up like poor Michael Jackson who spent his life suffering the side effects of bleaching, and ended up ruining the handsome face that Allah subhanahu wa taala has given him?

Just love yourself... love your color... we are beautiful because we are different...

And thank Allah for he created you so beautiful...

And turn your face away from future husbands who look for a white skin... they do not know how to look for a wife... and they will suffer the outcomes of their wrong methods...

And lets all celebrate our diversity! Let every one of us like her own color, as well as the colors of every one else!

Dear Driver in the Street,

I hope my message finds you well.

I am writing to you to let you know that, for sure, I am not the enemy. I have never killed any one of your family. And the undercover agent that is sent to obstacle you and prevent you from arriving to work on time is, definitely, not me.

Also, last time I checked, the latest addition to the Fast and the Furious team was Jason Statham, not your esteemed self. So I would like to express my astonishment for your driving style. Although my astonishment would vanish as I know that the auditions for F&F8 are now on. I wish you success in being picked in place of the late Paul Walker. Please do not take my good intended wishes as a sarcastic wish including the sad ending of the late aforementioned.

On a second note, I would like to inform you that the design of my side mirror is very satisfying to me. I just love the way it is. So I would thankfully turn down your generous offer to re-design it with a side scratch.

I do, also, have a note regarding the turning lights. Referring to my first statement, and since I am not the enemy, please rest assured that informing me of your intention to turn left or right will not result in me trying to prevent you from doing so. If needed, I am even welling to sign a written statement obliging me not to do. I can also swear to that before a legal committee.

Please accept my sincere wishes to arrive safely to your destination.

And for God's sake, if driving makes you so nervous JUST THROW YOUR CAR KEYS AWAY AND STOP DRIVING!

Your's sincerely,

Mama of Leo

Tissues Monster!

Yes. That's what my son has turned to!

The other day I changed his diaper, and left him on our double bed just until I washed my hands. The tissues plastic bag was -supposedly- out of his reach. When I returned, the tissues bag was beside him, and he was trying to stuff some five or six tissues that he pulled in his mouth. He was surrounded with tissues.

I wish I could take his picture at that time, but my laugh startled him so he threw them away :-D

Which of These Shapes Does not Belong?

Do you know that game?

When a group of different shapes is introduced to you and you are asked to examine the shapes or patterns to discover the one that does not belong?

Some times I feel that I have been playing this game all of my life. And always, I have been the odd shape.

Now I have been born a Muslim, alhamdulellah. And my parents were married as committed Muslims, and that ,too, is something I am thankful for. I am a Circassian, and have been born and raised in Jordan. Among traditional Arab communities, religious and non-religious people might live in coherence because most of Arabic traditions are not -in general- open. Arabs tend to separate men and women on their every day life. Their women tend to wear either thobes or abayas, and hijab is part of their dressing code. They do tend to "hide" their women. And a woman exposing herself to a man could be a dead woman! Even of we are talking about the mere act of talking to a man.

Circassians are different, however. The traditional Circassian community is open. Historically, marriage has always been based on love stories. Men and women can meat and talk and play music and dance, however, under lots of restrictions. Touching is forbidden, looking rudely at one another is forbidden. Laughing and raising voices or  having women talking in a tempting way is highly unwelcome. Both men and women must keep their poise, must never stare, and not look one another in the eye. Circassian dancing is very decent. It is more like marching. Women are not allowed to show their charm or the attractions of their bodies while dancing. Women's dancing must reflect their delicacy, physical skill and control, poise and chastity. Alot of Circassian Muslims nowadays live that life: they do their Islamic duties like praying and fasting...etc, but they can be less strict with hijab, or not wear hijab at all. The society is in general mixed. And in parties they make Circassian dancing circles and dance together, men and women, to Circassian Music.

I have not been raised neither as an Arab Muslim nor like a regular Cisrcassian.

Since my early childhood, the separation between what is Islamic and what is Arab has been clear in my head. The forbidding of Zina and its introductions, for example is a core Islamic issue. However, what can be an introduction to Zina, might be defined according to culture. In a society in which women are 100% separated from men, and women do ALL cover their faces and NEVER talk to men who are not mahrems, the simple action of showing a woman's face or talking to a man could be an introduction to Zina. But for a community like the Circassian community, where men and women interact on daily bases, a woman can have a long ordinary conversation with a man and never ignite the slightest thought of Zina in his mind.

This understanding of Islam made us weird to all.

In the religious community of our friends, we were seen as "open minded". Whereas in our family's Circassian community, we were considered as overly strict.

To add to that, my father has specific standards when it came to what we watch and with what we play. He never liked that fact that we would watch low quality cartoon shows in which drawing was not good and movement was not smooth. He criticized the local cartoon shows that our local TV station aired all the time. He always provided VCR tapes for Disney movies, but never allowed us to watch them alone except after he watched them several times with us. While he was watching with us, he would make sure to: stress the goodness of the good, stress the evil of the evil, explain how does the positive values fit within Islam and how the message of good vs. evil does not contradict our Islamic beliefs, and make sure to explain, at times of kisses and embraces between princes and princesses for example, that they do this because they are not Muslims, and if they were Muslims the stories would be the same except for the kissing and touching.

That made us TOO weird to the rest of people around us. Now I know that we were UNIQUE, but at that time every one made us feel WEIRD!

Now how would that reflect on specific aspects of our lives?

The coming posts would explain more!

Stay tuned.... :-)

Music - A Follow Up

So to explain further on my own way of dealing with the Music issue, I would say that I have listened and read a lot of scholars' opinions about music. A lot to the extent that I became dizzy.

I always passed in phases of stopping music completely, listening to minimum amounts of music in nasheeds, listening to pure music, and then indulging in music and songs.

After a lot of phases back and forth, I reached to my own conclusion regarding music.

I DO listen to music.

But under the following conditions:

- That music is not accompanied with lyrics that have words that can be or indicate kufr or shirk

- That music is not accompanied with impolite lyrics or lyrics that can indicate infidel or haraam relationships or behaviors (like songs that include hints of kissing or touching)

- That music does not bring thoughts of unethical situations (like specific types of music that is known to be for belly-dancing)

- That listening to music does not exceed a certain limit

The limit is defined by how much it penetrates the subconscious. I always make sure to listen to holy Quran recitations at night time. During the day, I like to also listen to Islamic nasheeds. I allow some non-Islamic music to slip here and there, but whenever I notice myself "humming" regular music, I stop it completely. Because then I know that music is penetrating its way through my subconscious. I like to think of myself as either humming Quranic recitations, or humming Islamic nasheeds with lyrics that can be counted as either thiker or positive thoughts.

This way, I would not ignite that spark of desire to music, and at the same time, I would protect my inside and insure that it is full of positiveness, inshaAllah!

Music...

 So as I mentioned previoysly, I am Circassian. My father, before he became a committed Muslim, used to be an accordionist, playing all sorts of music, but specifically our traditional Circassian music. And even during our upbringing, and although he stopped playing in public, he used to play for us whenever he got an accordion available, and he used to listen to Circassian music. Always we have been swinging between considering music as haraam and stopping it completely, and considering that what was haraam would be only specific types of music and that it would be ok to listen to some "innocent" music from time to another.

At the time when I passed my high school exams, the trend was to hold a party to celebrate that. We, as a family, existed between our relatives, who -in general- were the not-so-religiously-committed type, and our friends from our Islamic school and the children of my parents' religious friends. In the world of relatives, the parties would be mixed folklore parties in which boys and girls would dance on Circassian music (which is a very decent type of dancing, by the way). In the world of religious friends, parties would be for women only, and women would wear whatever they wanted (some times VERY revealing clothes) and would belly-dance on Islamic wedding nasheeds (which included alot of dance theme percussion, by the way).

Now neither of these suited the mentality of our family. Belly dancing was something very shameful in our house, even if it was only women. So the plan for my party was that I and my sisters would wear Circassian dresses, and the women only party will have no nasheeds so that no one would do a belly dancing show in our house! :-D The music would be Circassian, and we would do a couple of dances in which women would do the roles of both men and women in each dance. After that every one would be invited to eat and then have desserts.

Circassian Dress

And the plan went on... except that I and my sisters were very shy, everything was OK and nice.

Until one of my mom's friends arrived... she greeted every one and shook hands, and then took her seat. The music was off at the time in respect of the Athaan. Once the Athaan was finished and evry one recited the duaa, we turned on the music.

And my mom's friend exclaimed in a VERY high voice, higher than the music so every one hears her: "Oh my God! Umm ......(my mom)! Music in your house! Music in the house of sheikh .....! (my father, who is not a sheikh at all, by the way!)

Then she walked to the stereo cassette recorder (oh, yes, I am that old LoL) and turned it off, and said: I would not listen to munkar. If you wish to listen to munkar then wait until I leave and then turn the music on.

I, of course, stared at her with a stupid blank smile. No one dared challenge that lady. My mom, who is a very shy lady, said nothing. I swallowed that with a sigh, and with a nervous smile I headed to my room and locked myself there, and cried for some time. Then I wiped my tears off my make-up-less face and went back to my silent party. People ate and chatted for some time and then they left.

And the days went by...

And this lady's daughter, who is one year younger than me, was getting married, and we were invited. And guess what?

The daughter's party was mixed, men and women. She wore hijab with a full make-up and a tight dress. There was MUSIC in her party which men and women danced to!

And I had to apologize politely because I do not attend mixed parties (that is, also, a whole different subject).

And that sore memory remained in my mind: the lady who spoiled my high school party for she did naseeha in the harshest way she could!

Is music really a very serious issue in one's deen that worth offering that type of naseeha?

I really wonder!

My Baby and My Smartphone...