Oh... Baby! Baby!

Having a baby could be the weirdest, newest, most unexpected experience that one can go through!

It is just that you change in a very unexpected way! You can never anticipate what it feels like before you really go through it! Every thing is new for you... every thing you are doing is just being done for the first time...

And in all of that astonishment that you live in, without even thinking of asking for help, all of a sudden, every one decides that they want to help you...

You bring the baby home from hospital, and your mom tells you it is important to swaddle the baby. So you swaddle the baby. Then your sister in law arrives and says that swaddling is just to bad for babies and can interrupt their growth so you should not swaddle the baby AT ALL. So you unwrap the baby. And then your hubby comes and sees the baby un-swaddled so he asks you to swaddle the baby.

While all you want to do is swaddle the baby at sleeping time and keep him unswaddled otherwise!

You decide to buy a bottle. Yous sister says that the "Avent wide nick" bottles are the best as they simulate natural breastfeeding. Your mother in law says that Chicco bottles with silicon nipples are the best. But your mother says that the NUK orthodontic bottles are the most comfortable for babies. And whatever you buy, if the baby does not accept it, your hubby will comment that "you should have bought the other type that (whoever it could be) recommended"!

While you know that not every bottle goes with every baby, and you will not know what bottle he will like until you buy them and try them. Your baby might not like ANY recommended bottle and decide to be comfortable with a locally manufactured bottle of the brand "whatsoever"!

It is winter. The weather is freezing outside. You dress your baby in some thing warm. You add a blanket. Your hubby decides that there is no need for the blanket as the baby is dressed well. Your father comes to visit and sees the baby without a blanket, so he starts saying that you should not forget that you are now responsible for this soul and you should feel his needs and COVER HIM WITH A BLANKET OR TWO!

While you know that there is no rule and you have to keep checking your baby to know if he is feeling cold so that you cover him, or if he is sweating so that you remove the blanket.

Your baby is now ready to start eating solids. His pediatrician tells you that you should feed him veggis and fruits, and warns you not to add any salt or sugar in his food until he is one year old. Your baby is not accepting any sort of blended veggies of fruits. Every one around you push you and tell you it is OK to add just a sprint of sugar or salt to the baby's food. You want to do the best for him. But your baby is picky, and all what he wants to eat is plain cerelac wheat cereal, not even the flavored ones. Every one tells you that not adding salt or sugar will result in him not eating anything, and will grow even pickier and pickier.

What you think of is that even if the baby stays on wheat cereal and milk until his first birthday, he will be getting all the nutrition he needs, and once you start adding salt and sugar in his food he will start eating every thing.

You think, search the internet, and ask the experts to see what is better for your child. But seems that every one around has an opinion of more weight than yours!

And you just smile to every one, thank them, and tell them that their advice was great and useful. And then do what is better.

If they allow you.

That is what motherhood is about! :-)

Book Review - The Veil and the Male Elite

Book Name: The Veil and the Male Elite

Author: Fatima Mernissi

It took me more than one month to finish the book.

The book is a very deep one, with alot of dense ideas that needs slow and careful reading in order to digest them fairly (specially for some one who is a beginner in philosophy like me).

There is no doubt that the critical methodology of the writer is very appealing and deserves alot of appreciation. The writer tries to re-read the Islamic heritage of knowledge fourteen centuries later in a feminist critical eye. She tries to re-read in specific the concept of 'Hijab' and tries to connect it to different incarnations of power relationships in different forms, like men-women relationships, matrimonial provisions, the role of military victories in the life of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and the provisions and history of slavery and the slaves of both genders.

It is worth mentioning that the writer shows alot of bias towards every thing feminine, and against every thing in favor of males. However, this is understandable from a passionate ideologist that believes in her cause, and that is driven to counter the male bias.

Another bias that I saw in the book was against Omar, may Allah be pleased with him. The writer seemed very passionate to assign him as the head of the male resistance to the Prophet peace and blessings be upon him's egalitarian project, although history mentions alot of examples that show how Omar was respectful of women and did not look at them with the eye of the male power monopolist. During his reign, he has appointed a female companion, Al Shifa'a bint Abdellah, as the market supervisor, or what was known as 'Qadi Al Hisbah'. Also, a famous incident mentions a man approaching Omar as a Caliph in order to complain about his wife's constant screaming at him, to find that the Caliph's wife shouts at him with the same high voice. However, Omar justifies this on her behalf by saying that in return of all of the effort she does to serve him she has the right to be overlooked when she screams some times.

This is the only book I have read for Fatima Mernissi, and to be honest, the titles of some of her other books do not seem very appealing to me.

However, regarding this book in specific, I highly recommend it for intelligent religious mind that can find the balance between their critical minds and their commitment to what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wants from us.

21st of May...

For Circassians, the 21st of May is marked as the Circassian Mourning Day. In this day, Circassians around the world revive the memory of the genocide and the exile of this Muslim nation that resulted in a reduced population that scatters all around the world in diaspora.

Back to how the story began.

The Circassians are a nation that descends from the Northern area of the Caucasus mountains. A nation with a set of values, customs and traditions, that resulted in a whole unique culture. Circassians were basically a pagan culture. They converted to Christianity at some point, part of them chose to remain Christians (which are now in Ossetia) and the rest went back to their pagan life. However, and due to the closeness between them and the Ottoman borders, they started to get to know the Islamic belief. Gradually, more and more people started converting to Islam. Eventually, "Circassians" became a Muslim nation.

Before becoming Muslims, and since the Russian empire understood the importance of this strategic land which is FULL of resources, it has been trying to subjugate the people of this land and claim it as a part of Russia. The war between the Russian empire and Circassians (and other Caucasian nations, like Chechens, for example) lasted for alittle more than a hundred years. By the year 1864, the land of Circassia was in the heart of the conflict between the Russian Empire on one side, and the Ottoman and British Empires on one side. The people of that land refused to be used by any parties as a proxy front. They just did not want to play other people's games. The only solution was to remove them from their land. This way, Russia would take over the land, and the Ottomans would benefit from the population (which was, basically, made of warriors, VERY skillful and feared warriors) as strong army members. Missionaries after missionaries were sent there to convince them that their life in their land is HARAM since it is a land of Kufr, and that they should come to the land of the Sultan, the Khalifah of Allah on earth, in order to be good Muslims. Some of them chose to ignore this and stay since the whole earth is Allah's earth. But the majority of Circassians decided that they prefer to go after their Akhira, so they decided to migrate to the land of the Sultan. They were sent in ships.

My heart aches as I write these parts.

Waves and waves of immigrants were sent to Sochi, in order to be loaded in ships and sent to the Ottoman land. Huge amounts were loaded in boats that are not fit to take these amounts of humans. Some were loaded in cargo boats. Some of the ships were burnt in the middle of the sea, and never made it to the Ottoman shores. Some boats were received on the Ottoman shores with half of the population dead out of diseases and starving. Families arrived with half of them alive and half of them as dead bodies. They were all poor, hungry, infected with smallpox, measles, typhoid and many other illnesses. They were some of the last waves of refugees received by the Ottoman empire -which was already exhausted with loads of other refugees- and were isolated in ghettos. Alot of times they had to chose between starving to death and stealing their food from neighboring villages. Some of them gave their children away to wealthier families for adoption so that they can starve to death in peace, without having to think of their children starving to death as well.

Russian records show a discrepancy between the numbers of boats that sailed from the Caucasian shores and the numbers of boats received at the Ottoman shores, but no one has ever been allowed to do an investigation. Some boats were burnt in the middle of the sea. Some were sent to slaver in locations no one knew about. Some faced mysterious destinies that only Allah knows about today.

And from Turkey, they moved around the world.

Today, they exist in the Middle East (Jordan, Syria, Iraq, Libya, Israel, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Egypt), they exist in small groups in several countries in Europe, waves of immigrants have relocated to the USA and Canada, and I know of individual cases who relocated to Australia. A part of the Circassian population reside today in the three Circassian republics: Adigheya, Kabardino-Balkaria, Karachay-Cherkessia and in Krasnodar. The irony is, however, they are a minority even in their homeland!

I leave you with a short movie about the memory of the Circassian Genocide...

May Allah rest the souls of our ancestors in peace, and consider them as martyrs... Ameen...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O0EfU72652s

Allowed in my House - Paddington Bear

I have agreed with myself upon something: InshaAllah, I will not allow any cartoon characters to enter baby Leo's life before I review it and approve it.

When I was a child, I was obsessed with Barbie. My parents allowed me to buy one, and I used to take extreme care of her. But when I grew up, and did a search on Barbie's background on the internet, I did not like AT ALL what I found. So decided that if Allah subhaanahu wa taala would give me a girl, I will for sure BAN Barbie in our house, and explain to her to the better of her understanding why Barbie is banned.

Allah subhaanahu wa taala has given me a baby boy. And as some one who grew up around girls ONLY, I have no idea what characters boys would obsess on! So I decided to take my time and start to research different characters and decide on whether or not they will be allowed. The painful thing is, there is a lack of effort to present an Islamic character that is a good model, and is at the same time interesting enough for children. Therefore, I had to look into internationally known characters in order to be able to provide toys, story books, movies or cartoon series, or whatever is there to present these good characters to my little boy.

The first one is Paddington Bear.

I once watched a mini cartoon series of Paddington bear and just loved him. A little bear who traveled all the way to the UK, and whose aunty has attached to his coat a note: please look after this bear.

A polite little bear who is always welling to help, but gets always in trouble when he does. But even though, he never gives up, and is always welling to help again.

My friends, when knew about this, brought baby Leo a Paddington Bear toy that looks just like this one:

 

Aren't they so cute!

If you know Paddington Bear, let me know what you think!

Cross-cultural Marriages

So as a beginning, let me admit that I am a person that respects every ethnicity, every culture, every race and every color. I love my own culture and I love every one else's cultures. As much as I like to get to know my own people's customs and traditions, and explore mythology and legends, and whatever aspects related to my own culture, I love to explore other people's cultures as well. I just LOVE the scene of little children dressed in their nations' folklore clothes.

I never made nationality or culture a barrier preventing me from making friends. I have Arab friends, Russian, Taiwanese, American, Italian, Kurd, Turkish, Chechen.... whatever the nationality or ethnicity is, if a person is easy going and wouldn't mind being my friend, I do not mind as well.

EXCEPT!...

When it comes to marriage. Specially when Islam comes into the image. From my own perspective, I was only exposed to the situation when I was asked for marriage by Arab men. And I never was ok with that. I -in many cases- refused offers for the sole reason of the proposer not being Circassian.

Not out of arrogance. And not because I look down at other races. But for several other reasons.

First of all, I belong to a small Muslim nation that is scattered around the world. Circassians originally are from the Caucasus mountains, but their lands were always wanted by the Russian empire. After more than a hundred years of war, they were convinced -after they willingly embraced Islam, eventually, as a whole nation- that their land is a land of Kufr, and in order to be good Muslims they should live in the land of the Sultan, the Khalifa of Allah on earth. Long story short, we ended up as minorities: as immigrants (or refugees?) in diaspora, or as indigenous peoples in our homeland. Today, in the age of globalization, our culture is in danger of extinction. One of our family of languages (Ubeikh language) has already died with the death of the last old woman who spoke it. Now, the Ubeikh language exists only as written texts that no one knows what are the grammar rules used to interpret them! So my nation is gradually melting away. My culture is dying. My people's language is, too.

And for some reason, a good amount of Circassian men who are religiously committed do not look for brides among Circassians. They want girls who are 'Muslim enough'. And for some reason they are convinced that marrying a good Muslim non-Circassian girl makes them closer to Allah. So the traces of our nations are being lost among other nations. And those who remain inside, are people who are not appealing enough to the outside world, so they have no other option except to look for their other halves inside the Circassian community. So knowing that I am trying my best to be a good Muslim, and I am one of a good education (alhamdulellah), and I do feel that I can raise children of good quality, I feel that my nation has an obligation over me: to offer well bred Circassian youth. 

Second, when Islam comes into the picture, some how Arab culture is dragged along without much distinguishing between the two. Alot of aspects of the Arab culture are presented to the non-Arab world as (Islamic). Like, for example, assuming that hijab means Abaya or Jilbab or Thobe. Which is never correct. Hijab means covering your whole body except for the face and hands with loose clothes that are not transparent, that are not masculine nor perfumed. So a loose Circassian dress with a Circassian hat and scarf that well covers what needs to be covered is NEVER less of a hijab than a black abaya or a Palestinian embroidered thobe! And I would never accept that some one would impose his culture over me in the name of Islam! Because, then, my nation also is a Muslim nation. Why wouldn't my nation's theme be considered the theme of Islam? Or is it just because we are a small nation? Why wouldn't we call Circassian art and Circassian decorations Islamic art or decorations as the case is with Arabs?

The names are another story. When I have children, as a Circassian, I want to give them Circassian names. I want to be able to name my girls Sina or Sinamees or Jan, and my boys Aslan or Janty or Kaplan, without some one objecting on that because "it is better to give them Islamic names", meaning by that Arab names! Naming children after the prophets and the sahaba is great, and I am sure is rewarded by Allah subhanahu wa taala, but these are not the only options available! Even in the days of the prophet, Salla Allah Aleih wa Sallam, the sahaba were free choosing names for their children, there was no "Islamic" names, there was only names that are not liked by Allah, like "Burrah" and "Malik al Amlak" and many other names. So naming after the prophet salla Allah aleih wa Sallam or the sahaba is not even sunnah, let alone sticking to Arab names!

So these are two simple reasons why I always refused to get married to a non-Circassian. I have more reasons, but the post is ling already :-)

Now is cross-cultural marriage as a whole bad?

I would say not always.

If a cross-cultural marriage is based on the understanding of the two culture, and the understanding of Islam as something independent of two cultures, then it is totally OK and is totally fine.

BUT!

If cross-cultural marriage is motivated by the sincere emotions of one part feeling that marrying the other part will make him or her "more Muslim", then I would not recommend. The part who feels he or she originates from a less-Muslim culture will eventually feel deprived from a huge part of his or her identity, while sticking to the other part's culture is not making him any better as a Muslim. Also, when the part driven by emotion sees the other "more Muslim" part on reality, and sees how his or her culture translates on ground, he or she might be seriously disappointed, specially after the emotional motive calms down and the flames fade away.

That was a quick brainstorming about the issue.

Fell free to tell me what you think!

I Need Coffee...

So yesterday I went with baby Leo to his pediatrician. Her main note about baby Leo was that he is a nervous baby. Yup, she said that his nerves are stressed most of the time.

I told her I and his daddy are nervous people, but each on his own way. Papa Lion is a quite person as long as he is not driving. When he is behind the steering wheel, he starts boiling. Now me, I am -usually- a nervous and stressed person, but on the inside. I am usually eating myself up. But the interface is as quite as you might see with a smile. I told her: could he have inherited this from us? And she said no. The problem is not inherited through genes, but it is more of a behavioral problem that he learns from his surrounding environment. And she told me that he -mainly- learns it from me. I was surprised! I told her I never shout or raise my voice or behave angrily! Neither in front of him nor without him around!

Here comes the fun part...

She told me I do not have to do in order to teach him this behavior! When I cuddle him to breastfeed him, he feels the tension in my muscles and nerves. He feels my heart rate if it is higher than normal. He feels my breathing if it is faster than normal. Unconsciously, the negative vibes are transferred to him. He learns, and -even at this very young age- he imitates!

So the thought is, I will try to relax as much as I can. I will try to cool down.

And I will cut down on coffee. Tears. Yes, I have to do. For the sake of my son's well being. I do not want him to grow up with a temper problem. We -in general as Circassians- are very hot-blooded (is that a word?). Alot of us die out of heart attacks or suffer the side effects of a heart attack in case they survived. This is because of our boiling blood. Yes, we are angry people LoL But how did we get here? Ok, yes. I just do not want baby Leo to suffer the side effects of anger. Now I have lost track of my thoughts. I am so sleepy... Oh, yes! I did not have my morning coffee...

When I am Split into Two!

The world knows me through my interface. My face and body, my reactions, my thoughts, the way I talk. To the world, all that is related to me is presented in one package: the woman known as Mama of Leo.

The truth is, what people see on the surface is just the end product.

Behind the scene, the story is different...

Since I was a very young kid, I was raised by religiously committed mom and dad. When I reached the age of school, I and my sisters have always been sent to Islamic schools. As I grew up, I was taught by, and I listened to, and I read books for ALOT of Islamic scholars. At this age, and with all that huge reservoir of Islamic knowledge, I am not still able to link the opinions and the specific knowledge to certain scholars. But a small "sheikh" has grown up inside me. Oooh, yes. He sets inside my head, and watched what I do every day. He does not like the era we are living in, and he longs to the days of Sahaba. He wishes he can exchange my whole life with only one day with the Prophet, may peace and blessing of Allah be upon him, and his companions.

Now during the days in which I attended university, I started to mix more with my Circassian society, and the outside world in general. I started to see how the world outside the sterilized bubble in which I used to live looks like. I started to see that the ideal world I was looking for did not exist. Gradually, I started to adjust my points of view to become less strict. But unlike I expected, I did not completely embrace my new thoughts. They were not new thoughts, to be more correct. It was an entity. A being. Just like that small sheikh, a tiny "cool Muslim" was born and was growing up inside my head. Eventually, this "cool Muslim" was completed and it became another little being of independent points of view and opinions! The cool Muslim lives this era with all of its requirements. She takes the internet and social media into consideration. She is an extreme feminist. She is not strict, and she believes that our time is not the time of strictly following rules. She believes in "the spirit of the law". She looks at the wide horizons open for Islamic daawa if we put aside "traditional" Islamic thoughts and look at Islam with an eye of modernity. She believes that Islam is Islam, but our understanding might differ according to the angle from which we look at it. And we are all correct as long as our interpretations find a place within the broad guidelines of Islam and as long as we do not contradict its basics.

And ever since these two little persons started to co-exist in my head, I have been passing through phases. Sometimes, I just listen to both and say: "thank you for your opinions, but Allahu aalam. I do not need to decide now so just lets move on". Some times, the sheikh takes over me. Some times the Cool Muslim takes over me. Most of the times, I am torn between the two!

For example... the issue of music... the "sheikh" tells me that it is haraam. Period. I should never listen to music. Even Islamic nasheeds should be with no percussion. The cool Muslims tells me that I am complicating things. Music itself is only instruments making sounds, but are organized in a certain manner to give a systematic sound. She tells me to stay away from certain music, and to pay attention to lyrics (in case there was any) and that's it! She tells me that music is a very important instrument to convey our message of Islam. She reminds me of the great achievements that Sami Yousuf and Maher Zain are making. 

The issue of hijab... the sheikh inside me tells me to restrict my options to Jelbabs (loose coats with front buttons which are worn usually with either pants or a skirt under it) or abayas, and to wear a loose scarf that falls over my shoulders. The cool Muslim tells me that an abaya can be worn to family visits... but it is not a professional outfit to wear to work! And she tells me that today's jelbabs are more stylish than Islamic... They are tighter, they hug the bottom, and a loose top and a skirt are more suitable as a hijab than a jilbab!

The issue of politics.... the sheikh and the cool muslim run to each other in tears and they hug each other and say in one voice: "politics only destroys faith... it only disturbs.... it only distorts one's views... no politics... down with politics!"

My Eyes!

I cannot believe my eyes!

Today in my way to work I saw two young guys, not older than 18 years old... Both look like students (they were holding their books and papers), both with hair brushed to the side with no hair wax or anything, with classical ironed shirts, and with classical ironed fabric pants, and plain shoes!

In the age of globalization!

I just cannot believe it!

I feel a surge of hope!