More than a week ago, there was a plan to have a re-union visit with my old school classmates. One of our friends resides currently with her husband and children in Saudia Arabia, and a bunch of our friends are also residing with their families out of the country. This year, at the time of the Eid, it appeared that all of them were visiting in the country, so this friend of us decided to invite us all for a simple re-union.
First of all, she asked us all to come over on Thursday. I explained to her that on Thursday and I my sisters gather at my parents' house with our families so Thursday is not good to me. She explained that the whole week before they will be in another city overlooking their house that is being built, and Friday they will be traveling back to SA. So Thursday was the only chance. Almost every one else apologized except me, another lady who is a house wife. When this was the situation, I told her that I will modify my schedule and inform my family that I will miss that Thursday's gathering. So at the end, it was only me and another friend who were attending.
So she sent us a confirmation message asking us to come for a LATE BREAKFAST! This was the first surprise... She knows that I work, and I cannot easily take leaves on short notice, so I told her that I cannot come for a late breakfast! She said fine, they will be having a late breakfast and will be expecting me to join them after working hours. I said fine, then I will take my son from daycare and come directly from work. I told them I will be joining them at around 5 PM because her house is alittle bit far, in the suburbs.
So on Thursday, I took baby Leo from daycare and my husband drove me to her house. He dropped us there and said he will come to take us home after sunset.
Second surprise, I arrived, and turns out there is no place to breastfeed my son! She knows that I do breastfeed, and she knows that I was taking him from daycare and going to her directly, so it would be expected that my son would need a feeding! I asked if possible to take a room to breastfeed my son, and she apologized telling me all of the rooms are busy (she and her children are staying at her parents' house, which is not a small house at all! But seems they are receiving all of their children and grandchildren who come from outside at the same place). So she turned a grand chair so that it faced the wall and its back was facing the room, and said I could breastfeed on that chair! It was the FIRST TIME in my life in which I breastfeed in front of some one other than my husband, but I had to! So I took off the upper part of my shirt and covered myself with baby Leo's cotton blanket. And the doors kept being open and shut, and little children gathered around me to see what I was doing, and I was blushing!
Third surprise, they offered the sweets directly. They did not offer any lunch! Well, a simple reasoning told me that we were invited to a late breakfast, so any one who did not catch will be offered some thing else. But after I arrived, I was only served sweets, although she knew that I was coming from work directly! In fact, when her father knew we were still at their house and she has not offered us a lunch, he asked her to ask us if we want some BBQ. Of course, after that awkward situation, I had to say: "noooo no thank you I am OK I have eaten at work"...
And then the room was so hot. So she took us out to the garden, which was extremely windy. Here comes fourth incident: little children gathered around baby Leo, and they started taking his water bottled and giving it back to him. They were playing outside, and touching grass and soil and God knows what with their hands. And it seemed to be very OK to their family that they would play with baby Leo's bottle and stuff it back in his mouth!
Then came the time for baby Leo's evening meal. So I took out his cereal and added some to his plate and asked for some warm water to mix it. Never was I given the chance to enter the kitchen to wash the dish he used to eat, nor was I allowed to wash his bottle. My friend offered to take the bottle and wash and re-fill it. I have certain standards when it comes to washing baby stuff: grooves need special care, the nipple should be loosened and washed so that nothing accumulates in the corners, rinsing should be thorough and nipples and other moving parts should be loosened again and rinsed thoroughly in order to remove all traces of soap... Second, I give him only filtered bottled water. Never do I give him tap water because here in Jordan it is not safe. We buy water gallons from specialized stores here and use them. Actually, I used to boil and cool water for him until just recently. And there I had to take a bottle that I do not know how was it washed or what water exactly was in it, and give it to my son!
Number five, time came to change diaper. For a nine months old baby, you cannot expect him to hold off his poopy until we are home. This is one. Second, I told my friend since the very beginning that as long as she decided on a working day, I will have to prepare baby Leo for bed at her place and take him home ready to be tucked in bed: changed, fed and in his PJs with his tummy wrapped for the night, specially that he goes to bed early (usually he is asleep by 08:30 PM) and the road from her home was long enough to get him to sleep. I had my plastic bag for the used nappy with me. So when I got him changed I had the used nappy wrapped in the plastic bag and sealed well, and when I asked were is the bathroom to dump it in its trash can, I got the impression that we were not supposed to use the bathroom! My friend took the plastic bag with a look of disgust and disappeared in some corner. Later I discovered that she got the plastic bag there on a "waiting" state until she goes home so she takes it with her and dumps it at their trash can! If I knew the nappy bag was that much of a trouble I would have taken it back home with me and dumped it at my own houses trash can! But was it reasonable to have a huge argument about a used nappy wrapped in a plastic bag?!!!
Now this friend of mine is very dear to me. She is one of my best. But still, that visit was VERY exhausting to me. It was as if they received us at the guest room but we were supposed to use no resources at all! She knew I was coming right from work and my son was coming right from day care. If it was an off day I would have come after being fed (me and my son), we would have come clean, refreshed, and my son would have been changed. We would adjust the time of the visit so that it would be in day light and would end before we need to drink from the water bottle or eat cereal for the night meal or even get changed or dressed for bed. If our time schedule was taken into consideration, we wouldn't have burdened any one with our needs. But knowing that I am "fitting" some thing into my schedule just so that I do not hurt my friend by turning down her invitation just like every one else did (although I am sure with some effort to plan they would have been able to make it) my and my son's need should have been taken into consideration!
Oh, and did I mention that baby Leo caught a virus after that visit?
Other than the Eid episode, exactly the next day of the visit baby Leo got a one week's episode of scarlet fever and diarrhea. The diarrhea was driving me crazy, it took almost one week until I was able to have it under control.
Life would have been so beautiful if we all were considerate. That visit was not an obligation. If my friend was not ready to receive us with comfort she did not have to invite us at the first place!
Also, I guess when some one decides to invite people to their house, they should touch on the needs of other people, specially when they make their needs clear in specific areas. Can you invite some one with a baby and expect them not to need any facilities?
Was I making some drama out of it? Or you think that, yes, we should be really sensitive to the needs of other people, specially when they are being guests at our houses?
And then the room was so hot. So she took us out to the garden, which was extremely windy. Here comes fourth incident: little children gathered around baby Leo, and they started taking his water bottled and giving it back to him. They were playing outside, and touching grass and soil and God knows what with their hands. And it seemed to be very OK to their family that they would play with baby Leo's bottle and stuff it back in his mouth!
Then came the time for baby Leo's evening meal. So I took out his cereal and added some to his plate and asked for some warm water to mix it. Never was I given the chance to enter the kitchen to wash the dish he used to eat, nor was I allowed to wash his bottle. My friend offered to take the bottle and wash and re-fill it. I have certain standards when it comes to washing baby stuff: grooves need special care, the nipple should be loosened and washed so that nothing accumulates in the corners, rinsing should be thorough and nipples and other moving parts should be loosened again and rinsed thoroughly in order to remove all traces of soap... Second, I give him only filtered bottled water. Never do I give him tap water because here in Jordan it is not safe. We buy water gallons from specialized stores here and use them. Actually, I used to boil and cool water for him until just recently. And there I had to take a bottle that I do not know how was it washed or what water exactly was in it, and give it to my son!
Number five, time came to change diaper. For a nine months old baby, you cannot expect him to hold off his poopy until we are home. This is one. Second, I told my friend since the very beginning that as long as she decided on a working day, I will have to prepare baby Leo for bed at her place and take him home ready to be tucked in bed: changed, fed and in his PJs with his tummy wrapped for the night, specially that he goes to bed early (usually he is asleep by 08:30 PM) and the road from her home was long enough to get him to sleep. I had my plastic bag for the used nappy with me. So when I got him changed I had the used nappy wrapped in the plastic bag and sealed well, and when I asked were is the bathroom to dump it in its trash can, I got the impression that we were not supposed to use the bathroom! My friend took the plastic bag with a look of disgust and disappeared in some corner. Later I discovered that she got the plastic bag there on a "waiting" state until she goes home so she takes it with her and dumps it at their trash can! If I knew the nappy bag was that much of a trouble I would have taken it back home with me and dumped it at my own houses trash can! But was it reasonable to have a huge argument about a used nappy wrapped in a plastic bag?!!!
Now this friend of mine is very dear to me. She is one of my best. But still, that visit was VERY exhausting to me. It was as if they received us at the guest room but we were supposed to use no resources at all! She knew I was coming right from work and my son was coming right from day care. If it was an off day I would have come after being fed (me and my son), we would have come clean, refreshed, and my son would have been changed. We would adjust the time of the visit so that it would be in day light and would end before we need to drink from the water bottle or eat cereal for the night meal or even get changed or dressed for bed. If our time schedule was taken into consideration, we wouldn't have burdened any one with our needs. But knowing that I am "fitting" some thing into my schedule just so that I do not hurt my friend by turning down her invitation just like every one else did (although I am sure with some effort to plan they would have been able to make it) my and my son's need should have been taken into consideration!
Oh, and did I mention that baby Leo caught a virus after that visit?
Other than the Eid episode, exactly the next day of the visit baby Leo got a one week's episode of scarlet fever and diarrhea. The diarrhea was driving me crazy, it took almost one week until I was able to have it under control.
Life would have been so beautiful if we all were considerate. That visit was not an obligation. If my friend was not ready to receive us with comfort she did not have to invite us at the first place!
Also, I guess when some one decides to invite people to their house, they should touch on the needs of other people, specially when they make their needs clear in specific areas. Can you invite some one with a baby and expect them not to need any facilities?
Was I making some drama out of it? Or you think that, yes, we should be really sensitive to the needs of other people, specially when they are being guests at our houses?
That is really unfair of her to treat you like you was a burden.
ReplyDeleteHaving a Baby is taugh and I'm particular with how my buby's things are sterilised be it my husband, my mother or my sisters they HAVE to make sure things are washed how I taught them. Which might be annoying for my mum obviously because she's from the old school and dobe this 3 times over and my sisters think im nuts BUT it has to done.
I boil his water too and i'm in the uk lol
And in regards to your friend it seems she could have been nicer what was wrong with the poppy nappy surely she didn't expect buby to hold it in...tut tut tut people will be people!!
No it obviously made you uncomfortable and she should have realised after incident number two!!!
Well, regarding sterilizing baby Leo's stuff, I am the less strict in my family! LoL
DeleteMy family take good care of washing for the purpose of "cleaning", and after all that careful washing they boil stuff to "sterilize" them. And then they ventilate them, and you can only touch them after you wash your hand with soap (thank God they do not ask us to boil our hands to sterilize them LoL)
So at my family's house I do not really care.
But when I sen him for day care, for example, I send two-three bottles for milk and one filled with water with its cap on so that they do not have to wash any of his bottles :-p
Or give him water that I do not know about! :-p
DeleteYou told her you were bringing your baby. She should have made accommodation for you if she knew that. Leo was a guest, too.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I got married, it was beginning to be the time when people,especially non-natives but there were a few natives,too, were sending out wedding invitations with "no children,please" on them. I guess it's your right to have your wedding the way you want but before that era, children were always part of family wedding celebrations around here...(before weddings became big shows of I guess how much money your parents could spend on one day...the reason kids became such a problem was that couples stopped having receptions in their backyards and started having them at $80 a plate restaurants) . Well, my husband and I wanted to do things the old way and include the whole families( besides, we wanted children and it seemed wrong to start out our married life by banishing them from the event!). We also knew so many of our relatives had small children and it would be difficult for them to find someone to care for them the whole day! So we had a kid-friendly ceremony (one of the nicest photos I have of the day was one my uncle quietly took of the kids all sitting up front on the grass just behind us watching and smiling at the nuptials). Fortunately, we were too poor to even consider a $80 a plate restaurant for our celebration, but we could afford to buy the food for a big barbecue some of the relatives helped cook ( we have guys in our family who LIVE to BBQ and that was their contribution to the festivities) so we had lots of food for everyone and we set up a play area with some games for the kids in view of the parents but where some of the teenagers could also watch them and make sure no one got hurt. There were secluded places where mothers could feed their babies or hold them to nap.
That way, everyone could attend and no one was inconvenienced.
Kids are guests, too.
My kids told me they were planning on having their weddings the same way.
That's really so beautiful!
DeleteLooking at children as guests, too!
To me I look at it that way. If -at any place- my son was not welcome, then they do not need my attendance.
Lol... that trend of excluding children from weddings became familiar here as well, but the phrase on the invitation was "We wish your children a comfortable sleep" :-D
Yes, I remember as kids we used to enjoy weddings that were held in the people's gardens, or in the Circassian institutions (these were like the homes of every one). In these weddings, we always found places to play without annoying people. It was also safe for us and our families were never worried. But this trend of wishing children good night was irritating to us. Later, when we grew up and started attending these hotel weddings (and yes, they cost around $80 a person) I realized that we wouldn't have enjoyed them if we attended as children! Crowded dim halls with heavy perfume smells and smoke and the exit is to a series of corridors!
But also, to be realistic, I have attended weddings in which little children are little monsters! Depends on the community I guess... In my sister's wedding, one of the families who we knew (and I still do not know why we invited them!) brought their 5 little girls, all of 1 year difference in ages. two or three of their little girls were standing beside the bride and groom's podium, and their job was to "steal" the little boxes in which the gold jewelry was after they were given to the bride LoL (they were taking the empty boxes, but still!)
Sorry..hit the button too soon. Lol! If she has kids of her own, why did she make it difficult for you?
ReplyDeleteZara, Kanumommy,
DeleteIn fact it wasn't easy for us nor for her. I felt that she was embarrassed. When I asked for a place to breastfeed she was so confused. When I asked to wash the bottle she also gave an embarassed look to the door going inot the rest of the house and then offered to take the bottle, wash it and refill it. At time of nappy changing, she seemed to be taking the burden of taking the bag away just to avoid dumping it there. It was very weird and very awkward. Because at the stage when the timing seemed to suit only one lady of the group, she could say "it is ok ladies, lets save it for another time when we are all free".
But she insisted on the invitation, although I felt that even she was not ready for it.
It all happened with good well, but good well some times is not enough!
PS...just found out and wanted to tell you before I got busy and forgot...someone changed their minds about some of the stereotypes they had about Middle Eastern Muslim women because of you. Very often people don't get to find out about the good they do,so I thought I'd tell you that it's nice to have you for an example to hold up. Thanks for being you. I know people often say things like they will get their reward in the afterlife, but I think your family should take you out for an ice cream..lol! Well, I've probably embarrassed you enough for one day....have a great Friday!
ReplyDeleteThat made my day!
DeleteYou are an amazing person... I mean you told me that, now I feel so grateful for every thing... It is all by the grace of Allah... He is allowing me to achieve what I -timedly- hoped to achieve. But he is more generous to me than I was to myself!
Alhamdulellah for that...
And thank you, too, for being you... My noble friend from across the globe! :-)