Why Blog? Why Here? Why Like This?

These are all valid inquiries...

Why do I blog and why like this?

Well, first of all this is not my first blogging experience. I used to have a previous main blog and several temporary blogs. My blogging community was the bloggers of Jordan. I used to write in Arabic and English. My readers and commenters were all middle eastern. Those, too, were the people that I used to read for. I used to blog under a nickname "Naryat" but all of my readers knew my real name because I mentioned it all the time. The name "Naryat" was just a name I liked.

But I reached a point where I have ended all of that and completely deleted my blog.

First, I was never able to discuss anything outside the context of what is commonly accepted. Any un-common idea would receive alot of criticism, not to say resistance. I was alone in the face of every one else. So each time I had to give in under the extreme pressure. Also, my ideas would be mentioned within the same community that I live in. They were never challenged "out of the box".

Second, my blog was read by men and women. It was never an "Islamic" blog... no one even thought of categorizing it as such, because most of the blogging community I existed within consisted of Muslim writers. So I wrote alot of personal stuff, and I was single, and no "Islamic" glamour was there to deter guys, which lead me to a number of awkward encounters. Actually, one of my fellow bloggers was, in fact, my office mate! So for some reason he thought that being with me in the same office and being a fellow blogger meant that he has a special status. The rest is... well... you know... clear!

Third, I suddenly felt that I was "spread" over the internet. As if I was a huge paralyzed body spread on a large table in front of every one to mess with. Guys were analyzing each others comments on my blog and my replies as well, they battled inside my blog, they were drawing conclusions on whether I like this one or that one, or I was responding to whom and not responding to whom, and they were trying to read what was inside my head. And I felt that it was me who provided them with the initial strings!

So I just deleted my old blog forever!

Then years went by...

And after several years, I came across the first Muslim-style blog: that of Umm Ibrahim, Old School Hijabi. And I started to jump from her blog to other blogs. From one blog to another, I discovered the world of "Convert Muslim sisters". And it was as if I found something I have looked for for aloooong time!

And now I am not single any more. And I have alot to say. And I can say that I found an audience that fits better what I was looking for: a diverse audience different from that I have been born and raised within. An audience that can challenge wy thoughts and receive what I say from a neutral ground. Minds that are not biased towards or against me. An audience that consists almost of sisters only. An audience that can hear my message, and teach me without bias.

So I informed my husband that I am thinking to start a new blog. A blog in which I will write in English and that I will not be writing for a local audience. I will not be writing to people who already know me. I will write under a nickname, not in order to obscure who I really am "if you are a loyal reader I won't mind at all to tell you that my real name is Noor! :-)" but because I am writing in public and I do not want any one to recognize that this is the place in which I accumulate my thoughts. I do not want to feel "spread over the internet" again. So that's why I am not using my or my son's or husband's real names here.

So that's it!

I do not know really to whom I am addressing this justification. It just came to my mind that some people might be wondering, so I answered in advance! :-)