Motherhood.... Just a Second!

I can confidently say that I am an emotional person. Oh, yes... I live through my emotions. Special moments in my life (and they are many) are engraved on my soul based ob how they made me feel. Some times just when I smell the air, it takes me back to a certain moment that I have previously lived, with very vivid feelings.

Throughout all of these moments, that can all be split into categories (childhood memories, memories of our old house, memories of winters in Nana's house, memories of summer nights with the cousins in Nana's house... etc), one feeling does not fit in any of these categories: my feelings towards my son.

Motherhood is a completely new experience. Every beautiful moment that I live seems to be a re-generation of a vague past beautiful moment, except my feelings for my son. The attachment, the way I miss him strongly just because I spent the working hours away from him, some times just because it has been an hour or two since I tucked him in bed!

Not just me, I see that in hubby as well. Hubby was never the kind of the person who loves children. Well, most of children even fear him, since he is tall and bald, and has a rough loud voice, and a firm face. BUT! The smile on his face when our son says something funny is just priceless :-) And the kind look on his face when he looks at him melts my heart.

I always find it tempting to say that "You do not know what does love mean until you have a child of your own". And some times I feel that I want to shout at the top of my lungs "I love my son, I love Aslan"...

But I always think of those who cannot have children.

A friend of mine has been married for eight years, and tried every possible way of fertility treatments, and went through alot of surgeries, only to get pregnant for three months. At her third month she had a miscarriage, and never got pregnant again so far.

Another friend of mine has got a son after two years of marriage. They had an IVF. Since less than a year they are trying for a second baby, they had two implants. Nothing. They are unable to have a second baby so far. 

Another friend of mine is not able of getting married so far. She is not very young, and she is an independent lady who refuses to give in just to be accepted by a man. She cannot long to be a mom, yet. Because her marriage is becoming more and more difficult: She is becoming more selective, and at the same time, growing older is just shrinking her chances.

A cousin of my husband got pregnant, and was getting ready for her due date,two days before her due date she went for a normal checkup, only to find that the baby is dead in her womb. She went through induced labor the next day to give birth to her dead boy.

When I think about all of these people, I just cannot imagine the pain that they have been through. I really admire them, and do not know if I will be able to face it with as much patience as they have if I was in their place. I feel extremely grateful for the grace of Allah, and I feel that part of this gratitude is respecting their pain. Holding myself together, and do not keep talking only about my son when I am with them. I feel very humbled. I have been graced. They have not been. Me being happy is normal. They being patient and content is super. They are in a higher place as long as they keep their sabr. And I have my own test as well: to be able to give my Shukr to Allah. In raising my son and giving him all the love, quietly, silently, without bragging about this all around.

May Allah help us all do well in our own tests, ameen...