A couple of months ago, a lady has joined our team at work. In the beginning I thought she was a Christian. With the days, I discovered that, no, she was a Muslim, but the kind that does not wear hijab or commit to anything that tells an outsider that she is a Muslim. Who am I to judge her? I never spent my time thinking of her. It was only an information that has been corrected and that was it.
Then, chit chatting girls mentioned in front of me that she is engaged (as in promised to marry, only) to an American guy. A white American guy, not an immigrant. His name was something very western, like James or something. As usual, and since I am not a nosy person at all, I never gave it a second thought.
After some while, my office mate, who became a supposedly close friend of this lady, told me that her fiance, the American "James" or "Johnny" or "Jipp" or I do not know what was his name, drinks the tea according to the Arab way, smokes sheesha, plays cards -specially tarneeb, a very common cards game for Arab guys- and is fond of falafel. I laughed to that, as it was hilarious.
Later, my office mate told me that he converted to Islam in order to be able to get married to our colleague. Here the story began to become interesting.
Before the date of the marriage, my office mate -who is Christian- asked me something about the Quraan. When I answered her, she told me that our colleague, the convert's fiance, has confessed to her that her fiance is currently reading the Quraan, and that he comes to her with alot of questions that she cannot answer. She asks her mom and her mom usually cannot answer. No one of her family -who is a traditional Arab family- can answer the fiance's direct-to-the-point questions aboutthe holy Quraan.
Later, I learned that this colleague is living a double life: with her family, she is a traditional, some what conservative, Arab. With her and her fiance's friends, she is a very free person. She drinks alcohol, attends dance parties, goes to the beach... etc.
It seems that the guy is taking his conversion seriously.
My expectation is: either that when he realizes the difference between his -now- wife and what real Islam is about they will separate,
OR! He will urge his wife to re-discover her religion and they will commit to Islam more and more together, and they will end up good Muslims to the surprise of all of their "cool" friends :-D
What do you think?
Living in Australia, I see this all the time. That's the 2 road ahead of them. Usually it's the Aussie girls that marry the Lebanese guys, then when they become really interested in Islam they will learn more and want their husbands to practice but if he refuses then they separate and if he is of the same mind then together they learn and grow in spiritual enlightenment and they are often more conservative then the already practicing Muslims.
ReplyDeleteIt is weird and interesting at the same time. May Alaah guide us all, born Muslims, converts, not yet Muslims... all! :-)
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ReplyDeleteShaking my head it's always the reverts lol, I think it' can come across like that because we attempt to leave no stone unturned when learning about Islam probably partly because we want to be well equipped with knowledge!!! And feel we have something to prove also!
ReplyDeleteWell, dear, for us, born Muslims, alot of us just "inherit" their faith. Not every one who was born Muslims has the luxury of "choosing" to be Muslim. For you, it is different. You chose this religion, so you take care of your choice. If this choice is not going to improve your life and make a beautiful difference then there is no need to make it :-)
DeleteThat's why you take good care of being "Good Muslims", subhanAllah...
For alot of us, born Muslims, things are just taken for granted.
Good thing the young Arab guy who is sweet on my daughter isn't religious at all.
ReplyDeleteWell, if he means something for her, and if he is a Muslim, then I guess that she should think ahead and know what to do if he decided to become so :-)
DeleteYou have a very interesting colorful family :-)
And I miss you around! Actually, I miss having the time and concentration of thoughts to write some thing that is worth your input :-)
Well, this is a bit off-topic and I have nothing against folks ( converts or not) gaining a deeper understanding of their religion. But apparently taking a little American Arab fellow to live in an Islamic country for a few years until he can find his way back home to the West for college is a great way to make sure he is never a practicing Muslim. He's had enough for one lifetime he says. He probably would have done better being raised here. ..lol. Now he's not too fond of Islam or his fellow Arabs,it seems.
ReplyDeleteoooops! I know what you are talking about lol
DeleteWell, this is unfortunate. Because for what I know practicing Muslims can be great and sweet, and I trust that the faith I adhere to can guarantee a good life for all, whether its followers or the rest of humanity, ONLY if it was applied the way Allah wants it to be applied. But this mixture of Arab traditions, misogyny, Islam, history, politics and weird narrations is just enough for any one to say: noooo, thanks!...
I understand him. A BIG TIME!
Thanks for the compliment and everything you write is worth input,I just get busy a lot. Yes, they have become fond of each other and he would like to marry her, he says. They are just young we think.
ReplyDeleteI wish the best for them... I wish them a happy and content life ahead :-)
DeleteWell, guess they will have a life ahead. Turns out they are going to have a baby this winter.
ReplyDeleteOh! Good news! I really wish them happiness in their coming life! :-)
DeleteThanks. Well, this is off-topic,but we were hoping they would wait a little until they were older and finished with their education. My daughter is only 18. There is also the culture clash going on about a "marriage". Our side is matrilineal. It doesn't really matter if she is "married " ( settler way)or not because according to custom she can pick any man she wants to walk around with... the kid belongs to her and her brothers ( because they are of the same clan) and to the mother's tribe and they help raise it and provide it with support. Historically, fathers not of the tribe were less important although they were welcome to stick around in the village if they wanted to and they usually did.
ReplyDeleteIt does not appear to work that way on his side of the street. Lol. His family is excited about their first grandchild, too,but are pushing for a formal marriage according to their rules, (which young Arab guy could care less about except for practical reasons like taking it to see his parents). His parents want the child to be accepted there. It seems a simple civil marriage license from the courthouse here won't do. Apparently there has to be an Islamic marriage registered...and, besides the fact that there are very few Muslims and not a mosque in 150 miles of here, neither of them wants much to do with Islam, so it feels rather hypocritical to them. He has zero intention of raising the child as a Muslim and is just as happy it grows up to be a happy little tribal traditional.
So this should be interesting.
PS...Guess His dad is calling my husband this morning. So guess it's going to be talked out. Lol. I think they should just leave their son alone and come here to see the kid. What will he or she have in common with their people anyway as it now stands?
ReplyDeleteWell, this whole thing sounds to be alittle thorny. I really hope that things will end up happily for the couple and the little child. I really hope that you talk it all out with the guy's family from now and agree on everything so that the baby comes while every one is happy and ready to receive it :-)
DeleteThanks. Unfortunately, looks like we aren't agreeing on too much. But it's okay. We will love the baby ,accept it ,and help raise it. The other family is welcome to be a part of its life if they want to be. If they don't, for religious or cultural reasons , well, we can't control that. The baby wouldn't be the first child around here raised up without knowing the father's family and it will not be the last. They usually turn out fine because of the way things are set up. I feel a bit sad for the Arab guy if it turns out his family has problems with him, but our family won't reject him if he wants to be a part of his child's life. Ah, well, guess I should stop talking about it since there is nothing to be done. :-)
ReplyDeleteWell, I am not surprised. I must admit that I feel alittle bit sorry for the baby that he will come to life not having what I consider a "full" family, but I guess my feelings are based on the conception of "family" that I grew up with.
DeleteI am still happy that he is being born to a tribe in which the child belongs to the mom, and that the mother's family (your family, basically lol) is ready to provide love and support to that child. I guess that here, or around the world, the conception that the responsibility of a baby should be shared makes single mothers bitter. I once came across a blog for single mothers of Saudi babies who were born to Saudi fathers who just went back home and abandoned their families. Most of them are in the US. Some of them are married couples and some are not. In most of them the Saudi father seems to go back to Saudi hoping that he will prepare his extended family to accept his foreign other half and baby (or they pretend to intend, I do not know!) and then they gradually start neglecting these girls and their babies and eventually denying them. The mothers feel bitter, and try in any way to get the fathers to admit their paternity to their babies. I feel sorry for them, because they were fooled, and because I see them wasting their lives trying to battle for something that is unlikely to happen (the recognition of them and their children in the father's originating family) instead of raising and nurturing their children.
That's why I say the having the existence of the father as not essential in your case is very relieving!
I really wish your family the best, dear :-)