A Typical Bride Hunt in the ME...

Four months ago, she told me that she got engaged. I asked her how things are going, she said fine. I asked her: are you happy? she -without any enthusiasm- answered: "yes". Do you like him? I asked. With a very quite smile she answered "He is tolerable". At that time, they still had no official marriage contract, only "alfatiha".

A couple of weeks later I met her while I was waiting for my husband to pick me up from work. We had a quick chat until my hubby arrived. I asked her how things are going with her fiance, she said fine. But I saw in her eyes that she was worried. I asked her if there is anything that is really pressing on her mind, she said that it was the normal anxiety of an engaged lady. I told her that she was supposed to be happy, or at least have mixed feelings, but not be fully worried. She admitted that she was concerned because her fiance is some what showing a change from his attitudes at the time of getting to know one another. I told her that we can sit together and have a thorough talk if she wants. She said that she would be grateful if we talked. I said to her: "Inform me whenever you are free". And she left.

I saw her today. I asked her: "How are things going on? When are you planning to have the wedding?"

Her answer was shocking, but at the same time familiar as I am hearing of similar cases alot these days: "We separated. I initiated a Khula'".

In the details, she explained that he and his family are known to be a very good family with a very good reputation and of reasonable financial resources. Before the official contract was signed, she felt that he was doing all what he could to understand her and find a middle ground between him and her, and he made her feel that he wants to overcome any issues between them through mutual understanding. After the contract, he started asking her more about her work, her salary and if she is working under a long term contract or a temporary one, and eventually he informed her that she will have to pay half of her salary for house expenses! For four months, he did not seem to have any future plans. He did not suggest any residence plans, neither did he suggest to rent a house or buy one. No furnishing. No plans for the wedding. Turned out that he was hoping that she will initiate the plan and may be funding it. At the beginning, he started to tell her that he is a man of limited resources, and that he will need her to cooperate with him. But eventually, it turned out that he wanted her and her family to carry the whole burden. When she started nicely objecting on some of his plans that required her to fund stuff (oh, and buy him presents and invite him to restaurants although he never did!) he started becoming rude, and things ended up with him shouting at her, swearing at her, and even threatening her to physically abuse her. When her family tried to be firm with him, he told them that when she becomes in his house, he will show them how he will lock her in the house and never allow her to get out except with a slapped face or a broken leg! Oh, yes... he shouted at her parents and insulted them as well!

And he did not divorce her. No. He hinted that she had to initiate the Khula' so that he does not have to pay anything. She did. She divorced him through Khula' after her uncles threatened him that they know his managers at work (because, oh, the powerful man used to threaten her since he works in intelligence!) and they can get him fired with dishonor! At the sharia court, he took his gold and flew.

I told her that she should made it clear to every one that he was divorced through Khula, and that he did not divorce her.

This is a typical bride hunting story from the middle east!